| (no subject) |
[Jun. 8th, 2009|10:52 pm] |
how did i come crawling back here?
i was doing so well, i've gained weight.. too much. the doctor told me today that i'm 20lbs heavier than i used to be.. i almost cried on the spot. i dont know why.. i was okay with it before.. what happened?!
well anyways i'm back. i dont know what to say..
im so lost.
all over again. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 9th, 2008|06:11 pm] |
shakey.
but i feel good. i havent eaten since 10am, took my pills and vitamins.
kinda tired too but thats okay it's my day off so i can lie in bed haha.
did my exercises this morning so i feel okay, prob could have done better
really hoping the boyfriend can come over tonight. i miss him a lot. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2008|05:38 pm] |
as always i feel disgusting.
but this is a new year and i can do better. i KNOW i can do better because ive done it before.
new years resolutions:
. lose 20lbs
. get and stay organized
. read more
. be outside more
. eat healthyy ONLY! no candy no pop no exceptions! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 29th, 2007|07:19 pm] |
headache.
at home doing my thing i guess. watching some tv.
had a smoke. im not really supposed to smoke in the house so hopefully the smell goes away before anyone comes home.
boredddddd. needing something to do. i'll probably paint my nails and stuff but theyre so short.
blah googling some home spa stuff and watching tv until Greys comes on.
i should probably clean up but i really dont want to. and i have a bunch of homework but i dont necessarily want to do that either.
shitty night. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 22nd, 2007|01:42 pm] |
i love the snow!!
i love when it makes me stay home from school (ironically i have so much school work to do thats probably what ill be doing.)
i want to play in the snow so bad. i want my boyfriend to play in the snow with me!
updates later |
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| perfection.. |
[Nov. 17th, 2007|12:03 am] |
is not that far away. (coincidentally, when i was typing "far" i typed "fat" by accident.)
fast is going well, somewhat. drinking lots of green tea and water.
had 3 slices of dill pickle around 6pm, but they're 0 cals right? i'll have to check in on that.
other that that. NOTHING!
not a thing.
and i've been keeping real busy.
discovery of the day: Kaitlyn makes me want to eat.
new thinspo to come! i'll keep you posted?
ahah so official. i love being empty. |
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| and! |
[Nov. 11th, 2007|06:29 pm] |
i want to drink so bad. but i promised mum i'd watch a movie with her tonight. i'm hoping she comes home late, probably not thought.
i stole a bottle of Grey Goose from a party on Halloween, the hosts were assholes so they deserved it, and i have it sitting in a bottle waiting for me to drink it. im cravinggg some.
so much to do, for school & work. obviously school = projects, paintings, drawings, and etc. but WORK! Burton rep gave us a catalouge basically i have to memorize it. its got all the new snowboards, boots, bindings, gear, everything!! all the features and techs i have to know! I dont know how im gonna memorize it all. but i better get going. ahhaa. if you ever wanna know about a Burton product, you know who to ask ;) ahahhaa.
yep, other than that. nothing is new. re-dyed my hair black but thats not special.
OH - today is my 16 month anniversary with my boyfriend. going strong apparently.
<3
....
...regardless of my previous post. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 11th, 2007|06:26 pm] |
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i am in love with my boss. |
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| why do all good things come to an end? |
[Nov. 4th, 2007|11:55 pm] |
feeling icky, physically, as always.
feeling beautiful, emotionally, unusual.
music is fueling my mood, and maybe a little prozac.
hugs out to
Tim, who lost a close friend.
to mum who is having a hard time.
to him for being a savoir, not a close friend but a pillow to cuddle, a shoulder to cry on, and a solid ground to fall back on.
and to you. for being here now.
these are the days i wish i could write poetry.
i can feel it in me, wanting to rush through my veins, and flood out my finger tips.
clearing my head. |
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| week after halloween |
[Nov. 3rd, 2007|08:53 pm] |
i love my Mac!
learning how to use everything is still kinda crazy but i do love it.
buttt i hate halloween, little brother has a pillow case full of candy that i want so bad.
but im gonna goggle how bad candy is for your skin and health apart from weight as another back up support system. lol!
hahaha yeah.. so halloween was interesting. i was marie antoinette (basically turned a little bo-peep costume into marie antoinette). but more importantly, i went to a condo party in a friends loft (it was ridiculous! so not used to giant lofts when i live in the worlds smallest apartment).. and i was NOT having fun everyone was already drunk when i got there and i only knew 2 people and my ex-best friend who is a total fucking cuntbag, excuse my language, was also there. so my cousin and i went into the room they were keeping the booze, i took a bottle of grey goose, we said goodbye and left! bahhaha! so now i have a 40$ bottle of vodka in my bag that i cannot wait to drink..
tyler slept over on thursday night and that was all thats new really.
love you all. |
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| disappearing. |
[Sep. 9th, 2007|12:13 pm] |
ive been too weak to get to my computer and just sit here for a while.
im so sorry.
--
i am the girl you see walking away.
i am the girl already through the door.
i am the girl smiling from under my umbrella.
i am the girl you accidentally see everywhere.
i am the girl you sometimes think is actually insane.
i am the girl who cannot see straight.
i am the girl who collect shit off the street.
i am the girl who has twelve different notebooks for every major category of my life.
but i am not organized.
i am the girl no one sits beside on a crowded subway.
i am the girl without a fake id.
i am the girl you wake up to, passed out on the side of your bed that is usually empty.
i am the girl wearing your clothes.
i am the girl who needs a shower much too much.
i am the girl missing the tip of a finger.
i am the girl who reminds you slightly of an overweight skeleton.
i am the girl you'll forget too quickly when i'm gone,
but i am also the girl who wont mind. |
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| meal plan.. |
[Sep. 1st, 2007|10:34 am] |
Breakfast:
- 0% fat yogurt (100 cals)
- water
Lunch:
- green tea
- 1-2 tbsp hummus (30 or 60 cals)
- light bread 1 slice
Dinner:
...we'll see... |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2007|09:48 am] |
its official...
I LOVE 'BODY LANGUAGE' by heidi montag.
cant stop listening!!!
birthday in t-minus 6 days! |
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| i needa knooww! |
[Aug. 27th, 2007|10:25 pm] |
<ahref="http://www.livejournal.com/~__hot_or_not___"> </a> |
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| hmm hmm |
[Aug. 26th, 2007|12:57 am] |
sooo my bf comes by earlier to help me put together some stuff i got at ikea..
(cd rack, dome chair, a few drawers and some storage boxes) and he wanted to see a movie after so he took my computer to check the movie times..
im sitting on the floor assembling when he says "what the hell is proana?" i just kinda looked at him and shrugged. LUCKILY i came up with a lie on the spot and said "i dont know, i havent used my computer in the while ive been lending it to my cousin."
my cousin is a STICK so he was like "does she have an eating disorder?" and i said "i dont know, why?" and he started reading all the posts on proanorexia!! i was like omggg... DFKSKDFA so i told him there were a few movies on around 9:40 we could go see, LETS GO NOW! lol!! so i said to forget about the proana thing ill talk to my "cousin" and see whats up.
anyways i dont think he suspects too much but we'll see. he's caught me not eating and shit before so fingers crossed. |
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| DRUNK!!!! |
[Aug. 25th, 2007|12:24 am] |
effing tired. but feeling chatty.
no ones on the fading obsession chat of course and proana seems quiet.. hmm.
i really just want school to start.
i want my tattoo
and i want my boyfriend!
... and ikea.
GOODNIGHT |
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| chillen. |
[Aug. 24th, 2007|12:07 am] |
i really hate my journals layout but i dont know what to do about it. i just want something simple that will work on my macbook.
also thinking up some lyrics for my first tattoo. i really want Brand New lyrics something short. one liner. to put on the inside of my elbow or my ankle or something, not so obvious?
suggestions? lol. ill find something im sure. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2007|10:49 am] |
why wont my hair grow faster!?
grow grow grow!
anyways, i met my uncle brett last night for the first time in like 17 years, it was fairly awkward. thank god tyler came with me, he was definitely my comfort zone so i stuck with him. but brett made some pretty harsh comments, i guess i saw them coming though from everything kaitlyn has told me and kelly and whatnot. oh well.
kaite made us this great dinner i felt terrible not eating it so i had a little spagetti and some salad. the spagetti was whole wheat if that makes up for anything?? lol! crap.
took tyler to the beach before dinner yesterday, we werent there very long but we had fun, we found a little spot of rocks and bushes and sat down and watched the water. it was gorgeous. maybe ill post some pictures? yes yes i think i will...
( beach, aug 22 )
yep, that was it.
anywhoo...
today i have a plan,
b: cup-a-soup & a litre of water
l: cup-a-soup & a litre of water
d: not happening! unless i want to have some more water.
i have to walk to work around noon so ill have to get ready soon. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 22nd, 2007|12:54 am] |
took tina for a walk today.
sat on my ass.
called tyler.
made a new ana bracelet.
organized my itunes & my computer.
binged (OF COURSE lfdskdlfajsfa)
im sicking of saying it, but tomorrow WILL be better.
going to the beach with tyler if he's feeling better. taking him out for the day to just be in love together. lol its so lame but he's the only person i want around me for more than a few minutes at a time. i wouldnt mind if we were super glued together i love him so much. and he actually makes me feel like he loves me too. i think i have to decide where to go for lunch. eep. |
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